Domestic Violence Awareness

Mending Broken Wings! Against Domestic Violence
Being True To Yourself, Awareness Of Toxic Relationships
Teen Pressure, Internet Affairs Destroy Lives

Life Is Not Always Happiness All The Time
CAN WE CHANGE THIS?

Compassion is so important to me, it should be to you as well.
Compassion shows our ability to Love.
Without true compassion then there really is no way we can truly love someone.

Sometimes we have bad days,
I do have bad days, and there is often a feeling of sadness because like anyone else
I have this kind of feeling that people ask "how are  you" but they don't really
mean it, and they don't really listen to the answer.
This is important to me, when I see someone that looks like they are stressed,
good or bad I ask them "how they are doing" but most importantly 

I LISTEN!

Sometimes we have friends or family that have bad days and we take on their pain too.
Its part of being a human, it is part of loving
When we feel someone Else's painful experiences its COMPASSION

WHAT IS COMPASSION?

Understanding without judgment.
Deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it
The desire to help when a need is discovered.
desire to identify with or sense something of each others experience; a precursor of caring
Compassion is an understanding of the emotional state of another or oneself.
Compassion is often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another
show special kindness to those who suffer
humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it

Compassion
I believe that having compassion is a way to enhance your own personal life,
without it don't you think you would feel empty, it kind of goes with having a purpose in our lives.
It is an emotion and as you know emotions are real, if you feel compassionate twords others then you are feeling a true humanistic emotion. Having a warm heart, and genuine love for people is a wonderful way to live your life. There is a deep sense of peacefulness in those that exhibit compassion for people around them. However it is not just humans that we feel compassion for, we feel compassion for animals as well.. Our Pets, or those poor abused and misplaced animals. We have all seen those commercials, right? Well that is a kindness, a compassion for wanting to help anyway you can. I Have to say that I find it very upsetting when I see businesses, or salesman use compassion as a way to line pockets. They tug at our heartstrings, our sense of compassion to fill a very selfish need. This can lead to compassion "burn out "
which I will talk about later on.

Compassion
It plays a huge role in how well we do in our personal relationships, friendships, and marriages.
In order to be able to love you have to think of ways to give, listen, and be willing to self motivate to give more. Relationships are built strong by giving, and if you have no compassion your chances of being able to understand what your partner is feeling will be extremely difficult if you have no compassion or care for what they are feeling. As with your feeling emotions is real you have to believe that what your partner is feeling is real too.
I had lots of difficulties in my marriage about this. If I was upset, or hurting and tried to get him to listen he would say, "your wrong" or "you are over reacting". After a while I realized that he had NO compassion for my emotions. No one has the right to tell you what your are feeling is WRONG.
Compassion I believe is taught at an early age, from infancy on. I do think that it is one of the most important attributes we  as parents can teach our children. I also believe that if that is not taught in childhood the chances of a person just one day waking up with compassion about anything is really not going to happen.

Compassion 
I do not mean to say it can never happen, yes people can change but to learn how to be compassion I think something very traumatic has to happen in that person's life for him or her to want to change.

However compassion is one of the deepest surrealist form of being a good decent human being. I goes along with integrity, pride, strength, emotional states of giving, caring, all the good things people believe in wrapped up into one word. You can be as generous with compassion as you want. But you have to want to or else it is not true compassion its just like a job you do because of the money not like a job you do because you love it. There is a big difference. Some people will use a false sense of compassion, like writing a check or doing volunteer work just to hear thanks and praise. True compassion is doing without the gratification of rewards. The only reward is the incredible feeling of love that can not be replaced by rewards. It is seeing a smile, or just maybe just sitting quietly listening to someone who needs to cry. It is a way to share, without having something material to share you have caring, kindness and love.

Compassion 
We have to learn to be compassionate with ourselves as well. Stop listening to the bad thoughts we have about ourselves, like our body image, how we look, or a disability. Self criticism is a compassion killer. words like, I am fat, I am ugly, how stupid could I be, I am not good enough for him/her... They are words that are meant to hurt, only the only person you are hurting is yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. Stop punishing yourself, stop thinking bad thoughts that diminish who you really are. When we have true compassion and we can feel someone Else's pain we are in touch with our own emotions and feel our own pain. That is part of being compassionate. We must validate not only how we are feeling but how other people are feeling as well. If you say, "don't feel that way" we are in a way diminishing how they are feeling, then in fact we are not believing someone's true emotional state.

Compassion 
When you are in a relationship, having compassion will enhance every ounce of love you have for each other. I will show in emotional well being, intimacy, passions, and keeping a unique individualization or identity to each person. If you minimize you are grouping, if you are grouping emotions, you are minimizing emotions, therefore you are not being compassionate to your partners feelings or needs. That can lead to a controlling, emotionless abusive marriage. With no compassion in a relationship there will eventually be an unequal balance, between two people who become separate. Emotional abuse is alienation of affections, not just in the sexual part but the mental stability as well. If there is emotional abuse, or carelessness in a marriage that will make one partner feel stronger than the other, which can lead to power trips, and that can lead to verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse because without compassion and equal partnership there really is no true love, and doing things and saying things to each other that will cause pain and hurtful situations. Wanting to Protect your partner from pain rather than causing your partner pain by controlling them that is compassion.

COMPASSION AND EXPECTATIONS
Being compassionate will sometime mean we have to sacrifice our own needs in order to help someone. It is one of the greatest gifts we can give to one another without any expectations! If we expect something in return for something we give as a form of compassion then we really are not showing compassion at all. I never expect anything, not even a thank you when I use compassion. If someone feels compelled to thank me for something I give, it kind of makes me sad as it defeats my purpose of showing untethered compassion

life skills and happiness

How I got to where I am

I can not give any one particular answer
Each one of my situations comes with a different solution
I am at the most happiest point in my life
My goal is to stay there
You can learn to be happy
Be willing to do the work
Happiness is there you have to find it
To be happy you have to figure out where the sadness is coming from.

THERE IS NO EASY WAY TO TELL YOU HOW TO BE HAPPY
A TRUE HAPPY LIFE HAS TO COME FROM WITHIN YOUR SOUL
A GREAT DEAL OF SADNESS HOVERS MANY LOST SOULS
DEEP CONCENTRATED DESIRE TO BREATH FREE
YOU CAN NOT BE HAPPY IF YOU CRAVE ALWAYS BEING SAD
LIVING IN THE PAST IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR OF THOSE WHO SUFFER

AREAS OF EXPLORATION THAT CAUSES UNHAPPY LIVING
  • BAD DECISIONS
  • UNRULY FRIENDS
  • DESTRUCTIVE FRIENDSHIPS
  • NO SELF RESPECT
  • BAD BEHAVIOR
  • BAD FAMILIES
  • BIG MISTAKES
  • REGRETS
  • ABUSE
  • INFIDELITY
  • SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
  • SELF CONDEMNATION
  • POOR HEALTH DECISION
  • IRRATIONAL THINKING
  • HIDDEN ANGER
  • HIDDEN FEARS
  • NO FAITH
  • NO BELIEF IN ANYTHING
LIVING THROUGH EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES
IT IS NEVER IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE HAPPINESS
USE YOUR INSTINCTS
SPIRITUALITY WITHOUT RELIGION IS POSSIBLE BUT LIVING WITHOUT BELIEFS IS NOT
SPIRITUALISTIC. SPIRITUALISM  IS WHAT CHANGED MY LIFE
I HAVE ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT BUT NEVER REALIZED EMBRACING  DIFFERENT WAS THE ANSWER
  • KEEP YOUR PROMISES
  • BE RESPECTFUL OF YOURSELF
  • FORGIVE
  • LISTEN
  • BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE
  • RESPECT YOUR BODY
  • EXPRESS LOVE WHEN YOU FEEL LOVE
  • BE AFFECTIONATE A HUG CAN CHANGE YOUR DAY
  • COMPASSION
  • SHOW UNREQUITED KINDNESS JUST BECAUSE
  • MEDITATE( INNER EXERCISE)
  • FIND YOUR PURPOSE
  • HAVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE
  • SET UP YOUR PERSONAL VALUES
  • MAINTAIN YOUR MORALES
  • ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING NO MATTER HOW SMALL
  • LET GO OF THE PAST IT WILL NOT BE YOUR FUTURE
  • STAY AWAY FROM TOXIC PEOPLE WHO CAUSE CHAOS
  • SMILE EVEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN'T
  • CRY IF YOU WANT TO CRY LET THE PRESSURE RELEASE
  • BE TRUTHFUL
  • BE MONOGAMOUS
  • BE LOYAL TO YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER
  • ABSTAIN FROM FRIVOLOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
  • VISUALIZE THE HAPPINESS YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE
  • ONLY SPEAK KINDNESS ABOUT YOURSELF
  • KEEP YOUR LIFE SIMPLE
  • UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR EMOTIONS ARE REAL
  • TAKE YOUR EMOTIONS AND WORK WITH THEM TO ACHIEVE HAPPINESS
  • BALANCE YOUR LIFE. PLAY MORE THAN WORK
  •  LEARN TO SAY NO.. SAYING YES WHEN YOU CAN'T CAUSES STRESS
"Compassion automatically brings happiness and calmness"



Are You Real?

WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

There is rhyme & reason for all that surrounds you!

Do You believe in Something?


Do you believe in Angels?
Are they real
Do they come to you in dreams
Do you see them when you sleep
Do you feel like someone is watching over you
Can you feel guidance when you need it
Are they just something made up
Does God send them to you
Are Angels people you once knew
Are they strangers that just know
Are they messengers
Do you listen to your instinct

Do you believe in Spiritual insight?
Do you sometimes feel like you have too
Do you feel like you have been there before
Do you think you know what will happen
Do you follow your instinct when making decisions
Are Angels sending you a message
Do you follow that message
Do you need to believe in God to have spiritual insight
Are you guided by intuition
Do you feel so strongly about doing something when you don't know why
Do you feel like you know someone you just met
Do you feel like you have someone in your life for a reason
Do you feel like you have found your soul mate
Do you feel

Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in a higher power
Do you Believe you are being guided
Do you Believe you showed do as  A God would do
Do you believe you can feel something when you feel nothing
Do you have faith
Do you believe in Fate
Do you walk in kindness
Do you have compassion for others
Do you Believe God Sends us messages
Do you believe we all are made from one God
Do you have other religions
Do you believe that the word God is only christian
Do you believe no matter what we believe having a Belief is God

Do you believe in Purpose?
Do you Believe you were sent here to achieve a Goal
Do you Believe that until that goal is achieved you will continue to come back
Do you have Goals
Do you have a plan
Do you have a passion
Do you have a hobby
Do you believe you are different
Do you Believe you are on the right track or just running
Do you Believe you have a Soul that guides you
Do you just work because it pays the bills
Do you want to do something but don't
Do you live in fear
Do you think about what others would say if you did what you want
Do you stop when you should be moving forward
Do you believe you should be quiet when you heart is screaming

Do you Believe in Soul Mates?
Do you believe anyone can be your soul mate
Do you believe it has to be someone of opposite gender
Do you believe he/she was sent to you
Do you believe you met for a reason
Do you believe you were in another life together
Do you breath when they are not there
Are you happiest when they are
Do you feel like you have known them forever
Do you feel like you were sent to them
Do you believe there is a plan for two
Do you believe you God wants you together
Do you feel you best when they are around
Do you feel them when they are not around
Do you believe when they are there you can do anything
Do they make you feel like without them you are lonely

DO THEY COMPLETE YOU?

Listening skills

What is Change?
Personal Responsibility?
Learning to Listen?

Learning How to Be a Good Listener Can Be A Skill Obtained to Change!
Sounds so very confusing but actually the top three questions can be answered.

Learning to listen can be a skill for change. No one can change, without a complete willingness or openness to that idea. You can not change a person! That is something that only each individual can do.
Great desire to put fourth effort must come from acknowledgment that changing your life is necessary to better your life or to better the lives of those around you.

There is no force involved it is a will, learning emotions and personal inner strength that will help you accept changes you may need to make. Change is in relation to personal responsibility because many times they either work together or work dangerously against each other. Only you can choose which way you want the wind to blow.
Change can mean different things depending on the area of improvement you wish to make, or feel that is needed.
I use the word change more in the context of "TO BECOME"

TO BECOME A BETTER:
  • LISTENER
  • LOVER
  • FRIEND
  • DAUGHTER/SON
  • MOTHER/FATHER
  • FIGHTER/BELIEVER
  • HUSBAND/WIFE
  • SISTER/BROTHER
There are many things about ourselves that we don't recognize or we could be doing things that may be hurtful to others without being self aware you have to learn to listen sometimes to learn how to change that part of your life if and only if you desire. A great example of seeing something for the first time, or a wake up call that causes a life or death yet sink or swim situation. Meaning.... your life or death because awareness for the need to change usually will have to be that powerful to get your attention.

Once you are aware that something needs to change you have to

“OWN WHAT IS YOURS"
  • OWN YOUR PERSONAL GROWTH
  • OWN YOUR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
  • OWN YOUR PERSONAL AWARENESS
  • OWN YOUR CHANGE

Sometimes it is too late to get back what has been lost because of your ire guard towards a person and it is too late to change the hurt or pain that you may have caused but it is never to late to change and ask for forgiveness.

When it comes to having great listening skills, sometimes it is a natural/compassionate ability... Other times it’s a skill that is taught by learning how to become skilled at the art. Being a great listener is a gift either taught or learned by others and emotions but it is the only way to live a happy fulfilled life of encouragement and truth.

Communication is key in any relationship either it is in work, love, family or friends it doesn't matter really as long as you have open communications and are able to speak and listen in ways that show understanding for everyone.

The most important part of being a good listener is to be genuine!!
  • Be truthful
  • Be open
  • Be Honest
  • Be Prepared
  • Be Kind
  • Be Compassionate
  • Be Understanding

Let’s start with one on one conversation
Make sure you are in a quiet environment
  1. Make sure you are face to face because if you are looking at each other it shows that you are paying attention
  2. Make sure your giving your undivided attention to only the person you are talking to. (Looking around, dazing off are all bad habits)
  3. Make sure you stay totally focused on the conversation at hand and don't stray into other conversations until the one your are having is complete
  4. Body positions shows that you are being an active listener.
  5. Keep your body language in caring postures, head up, shoulders relaxed, stress free, tension free no matter what you may hear from the other person
  6. Always acknowledge what is being said, with head nods, head tilts, little smiles, or even lots of tears if that is what emotions are being evoked.
  7. Be very patient, as great deals of conversations are difficult to start, and difficult to speak about, or maybe the person speaking is just trying to find the right words
  8. Remain nonjudgmental and let the person speaking finish speaking. Casting judgment or interruptions are bad moves
  9. Try to ask questions but make sure they are not in the middle of a sentence, or conversation, wait!! Again being patient!
  10. Try to give positive feedback on what is being said!! NEVER TELL THE PERSON SPEAKING THEY ARE WRONG! Those words mean you are being judgmental and the person you are talking to will shut down.
  11. Listening is Learning and learning to change is Listening
  12. Never mentally prepare to come back or refute what the person is saying, if you are thinking about what you are going to say in return then you are not listening to what is being said.
  13. Try to understand the message the speaker is trying to send and think about what the speaker is NOT saying as well.
  14. If you are going to respond please remember to use honesty and understanding, using soft words and mood evoking words that are never harsh or foul
  15. Never tell the person speaking " I am sorry you feel that way" when you should be saying " I am sorry I made you feel that way" stating the first shows that you do not recognize your actions as part of the issues you may be having and it dumb down the person you are speaking with.

Be Honest and Truthful!!

Never Lie!!
There are reasons a person will lie while communicating with you. Most of the time it will be painful especially when you know they are lying. I do not justify that at all but there are some reasons you may have to learn and there are ways to learn if the person you are listening to is lying to you or not.

First and foremost you must understand what it is you are having this conversation about. What is the person’s argument or what is the fighting really about? You must never blame the one person or the other; you must always hold personal responsibility for your own words and actions.

Some of the reasons the person you are talking to will lie:
  1. To avoid hurting you or you hurting them
  2. To avoid potential anger or upsetting emotions
  3. To make you feel like you are worthless, or non-sensible
  4. To gain control and power over you or them
  5. To be able to refrain from admitting being wrong or that they made a mistake
  6. To hope that if they don’t tell the truth it will all go away
  7. They may or you may feel like it is the right approach at that moment
  8. Because you are or they are afraid o
  9. To avoid arguments/fights/pressure
  10. r your reactions
  11. To keep from feeling inferior or inadequate
  12. To gain respect although it is wrong, it will still come to play in the area

There is no justification for lying in my mind however it happens all too often. If you are a good listener and you are watching body language a person lying is easily seen through like a glass window on a sunny day.

When you feel the time is right to respond make sure you use good judgments, kind words and keep the anger away no matter how hard it may be. If you over react, yell scream, or threaten then you are not being a good listener. Think about what has been said before you respond. Think about what you want to say before you open your mouth
Think about the emotions you are feeling at that moment and not what you may be feeling later on. Take break, a pause a moment to complete your thoughts! You have to learn to be a good listener to yourself as well.

Remember that becoming a good listener is a skill and takes time. The purpose of you learning to be open is to learn if you want or can change your life to better those around you. If you are being hurtful you can change that knowing now that it is hurting someone, if you are being dishonest not only with yourself you are being dishonest with everyone.

Take control you’re your change Take control of your life, Take control of your own power and the responsibility of being a good person.

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Why You Are Here!

Over the last few years I have been writing, hoping and helping so many men and woman learn how to break free from domestic violence and the long lasting effects that it leaves behind. I like to keep track of how people arrived to my site, and what you were looking for etc.It helps me understand what more I can do to help. I have been so amazed to see that over the last three years I have had people from all over the world I mean even places we don't think could have access to our site, but they do arrive to my site and all are seeking so many of the answers that I was also looking for. It hurts me to see so many people effected by abuse, yet I am not surprized. I want to take this moment to congratulate you for getting here and realizing that your life is in need of a major change. Recognizing that you are not in a safe place IS the first step. But I want you to TAKE IT FURTHER!! Please stay, read, share, and ask questions, don't be afraid because YOU ARE SAFE HERE!! Make sure you are not in any danger If you are Please Call For help! Do NOT be ashamed.... Keep trying Keep working on getting out. Every step is just that a step twords freedom from abuse

God Bless!


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